Fashion for life:
The chinos have it
Last updated at 8:01 PM on 18th July 2009
I have many pairs of trousers. Tons. I have cigarette pants that have dined with Prince Charles (well, he was in the same marquee) and capri pants that have danced with Joseph Fiennes (well, he was on the same dance floor). I have velvet trousers that met my goddaughter on the day she was born, and pinstripe pants that met Giorgio Armani in a New York lift. (I accidentally trod on his toe. Really trod, with the full force of a rampant Manolo. How dreadful is that? Almost as bad as the time Nicky Haslam introduced me to Mick Jagger; I was so overcome that I shook him warmly by the hand and said, ‘Hello Mike!’ Grief with a capital G.)
Back on the trouser tip, I have countless pairs of jeans in every possible iteration – from bleached to indigo, skinny to voluminous flare. Also an odd pair of loon pants bequeathed to me by Alexander McQueen, I know not why. Plus some vile checked trousers (half of a vile suit), a lone pair of women’s golfing trousers, lots of track-pants from my Mel B phase and…well, as you can surmise, plenty of choice when I root around the closet for a pair of trews.
Much like a good pair of jeans, chinos need to go unassumingly about their business, the better to platform your amazing shoes
I have never, however, worn chinos. Chinos always seemed to me the most nondescript of bottom halves. Unadventurous. Insipid. The sartorial equivalent of macaroni cheese. For a start, they’re beige – a colour that may have been the making of Mr Armani (God bless his poor dear toes), but which hardly sets the pulse racing. And they’re a nothing sort of cut – comfy, roomy, a pit-stop between scruffy and smart.
Thus it is with some surprise that I can report that chinos are the hot-to-trot summer trouser. All manner of trend-meisters are wearing them – from Kylie and Selma Blair, to Rihanna and Jessica Biel.
Knowing this (and having long ago discounted the other summer trousers – the truly suspect harem pants), I waltzed off to Gap to buy a pair. This, I’m told, is the very best place to purchase chinos, improbably because cheaper chinos (as against the catwalk versions from Lacoste, Ferretti or Gucci) wear in faster and will soon look as if you’ve had them for ever. This is the point of chinos. Much like a good pair of jeans, they must be almost unnoticeable, apparent only to the most watchful fashion eye.
They need to go unassumingly about their business, the better to platform your amazing shoes (crucial with the new-age chino) and your incredible ankles – you will, of course, have rolled them up to reveal a coquettish slice of leg; you don’t want to look like a preppy refugee from Lehman Brothers.
This look needs to be feminised, so pump it up with heels and turn-ups. And, for Lord’s sake, don’t press a crease into the front. Do I have to tell you every little thing?
As I have discovered, chinos are remarkably gracious, as garments go. You can take them anywhere, like an educated and courteous plus-one at a party. I shall probably wear them when next a meeting with Sir Mike is in the offing.
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